Hi Jeff.
I am so very sorry for your loss. as a father myself I could not imagine the unbearable pain that you feel my friend. You have every right to feel angry and upset. You are not alone. Reach out to close friends and family for support.
Even though I am a complete stranger to you I hear and feel your sorrow. I wish I could take your pain away and give you the answers you seek. Just know that people are listening to you.
all the best brother.
Anonymous