How to move on

[Lonely]

Recently after many years in a relationship I shocked when my boyfriend decided he wanted to call it quits.

Now I had no indication that anything was wrong and it was a complete surprise to me. We had everything in common and enjoyed travel and dining and really just enjoying our time together.

Now I know things happen and people change but this was shocking and sad I just can’t believe it happened.

 

I honestly don’t know what happened but I have lost all faith in people and in him.

 

I thought he was a genuine good person and thought he really loved me.  We were together almost 10 years.

 

I guess my question is how to deal with this and all the emotions I’ve gone through and how to move on.

[Clint Harris]

Good morning and I’m sorry to hear you are dealing with this and especially with the holidays approaching.

Your story is what many go through in a lifetime and sadly there is no quick fix to the heartbreak and the suffering.  Sometimes we never know what our partner is thinking and all of a sudden the unthinkable happens.

i should start by saying the first few weeks are the most challenging and you must decide how you choose to see this.  It’s very difficult to let go so you are sad.  The brain does not let go easy and the shock you mention takes time to get past.

I know it’s hard to stop thinking about it and it’s similar to withdrawal.

This is the same feeling people with addiction go through.  Our thoughts about what we are missing consume us.
The so called thoughts only last so long and that is the upside and we can start to control how long we allow these thoughts to last and how often.  Thoughts usually last around 90 seconds and we need to think about not repeating the thoughts.  When you repeat thoughts they get stronger so we must stop this habit.

From my own experience I know the suffering eventually ended and it took me almost a year and I did speak to a therapist and these are some of the things we spoke about.
The initial high when meeting someone especially if you were sad prior does lesson over time the high lessons and as in all honeymoon stage ends.  The fantasy of a perfect relationship does not exist is realized.

 

Now it’s time to do what makes you happy knowing this will pass in time and life can begin again.

 

[Author]

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